


there's nothing more than empty sheets between our love

by badboy_fangirl



Category: Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-19
Updated: 2014-01-22
Packaged: 2018-01-05 03:41:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1089196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badboy_fangirl/pseuds/badboy_fangirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <a href="http://smg.photobucket.com/user/americanoutlaw/media/TVD/DE2x08_zpsc2db3977.gif.html"></a>
  <br/>
  <img/>
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            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **Spoilers:** Everything through 5x10. [This fic will probably blatantly disregard the fact that Katherine most likely will take up space in Elena's body.]
> 
> Title lifted from P!nk's "Just Give Me a Reason." Opening quote from P!nk's "The Great Escape."

_terrified of the dark, but not if you go with me_

Katherine is convalescing.

Stefan is caring for her.

Caroline is seething.

Jeremy and Bonnie are somewhere having sex, completely unfazed by the whole thing.

Damon is hiding in his bedroom.

And Elena?

...she's preparing for battle.

 

 

She goes through a few scenarios in her head.

There's the seduction one, but she knows the outcome of that all too easy; he'll give in for the moment (she remembers compulsion to kill Damon, and her plan? Seduction. It had totally worked until he realized she was going to kill him, and then he managed to talk her down), but he'll backtrack once it's over. He'll excuse himself, tell her of course he loves her and wants her, and that's why he'd had a moment of weakness, but his edict still stands, because he _loves_ her.

There is the knock-down drag-out fight. They are going to have to have that one eventually, anyway, so it's either now or later, but Elena decides later is better. Catch him when he thinks it's passed somehow, when he thinks the danger is over.

Her third option is meekness. She could simply make him think she is going along with this ridiculous notion, but she comes to the conclusion that that would raise the most suspicion, because really, when has she ever done what he told her to do? It's not natural for that to happen, and it would put him on the defensive even more.

So, what she does goes something like this:

She walks into his bedroom, and he's pensively drinking in front of the fire. She takes off her clothes and puts on her pajamas without speaking to him. Just as he finds the words to say, "What the hell, Elena?" and she can see the further demand of _there are four other rooms not in use right now, go sleep in one of them!_ she puts her hand up to stop him.

"I don't accept your break-up," she says as she jumps on to the bed.

He just stares at her as she slides her legs under the down comforter.

She's totally got him, because he doesn't know what to do.

If he were Stefan, he would just go sleep in another room. But he's Damon, and this is _his_ room, goddammit, and he doesn't like the other rooms. They're not as comfortable, and even when Damon is eviscerating his insides, he likes to live his life in comfort and style.

So she kicks him while he's down. She leans back on her elbows, waiting for his eyes to meet hers. "I just learned that my father did terrible things to do wonderful things, and I don't know how to process it." This is not entirely true, but she's not above lying when it serves her purposes. "And then after my boyfriend attempted to abandon me, my ex-boyfriend started catering to my bitch of a doppelganger. So really, could you just get over yourself for tonight, and hold me?"

She watches the myriad of emotions cross his face, and she knows he's not totally duped; he's too smart not to see at least some of the manipulation, but he's also so filled with guilt at the moment, that he hesitates just long enough to be sucked into it. 

And then she uses the magic words: "I need you, Damon."

Maybe it's all the bourbon he's drunk, or just the fact that he wants to be with her more than he thinks that he's so terrible for her, but whatever it is, Elena just smiles when he resignedly sets his glass on the hearth and crosses the room to the bed. He keeps his clothes on, which is not normal, but he slides in under the covers, and curves his body behind hers.

She sighs, and puts her arm over his, lacing her fingers through his. The shaky breath he releases against her cheek nearly breaks her heart, but then his fingers clench around hers and for the moment, she gives herself the victory.

_Elena 1, Damon 0._

 

 

Early on in the summer after she graduates from high school, Damon Salvatore notices something very interesting about Elena Gilbert. 

She smiles while she has sex.

He's always been an advocate for having fun in bed, but this isn't just a sign that she's having a good time. (There are lots of other signs for that, really, and he likes the audio probably more than the visual, if he's being totally honest.) What her repeated smiles express so well is the state of happiness she's in.

_Because of him._

Stefan's not around to get his nose rubbed in it, and on most days, Damon's big enough to be okay with that, but he has his petty moments now and again. Lying in his bed with her, face to face on symmetrically placed pillows, while enjoying her big-ass smile happens to be one of those times.

"Can I ask you a question?" she queries, her fingers grazing his cheekbone and the edge of his jaw before tracing his lips.

His _smiling_ lips. Yes, he, too, is blissfully happy, and it doesn't have as much to do with how naked Elena is in his bed right now as it does with her need to tell him three times a day that she loves him. But the naked definitely helps.

"Hmmm?" he hums since he doesn't want to open his mouth and stop her caressing finger with something as lame as actual words.

"Remember when I couldn't keep blood down, so I came to you for help?" Her gaze doesn't quite meet his, and he's charmed by her shyness. It overcomes her once in a while, and it's usually when she wants to talk about something they've done intimately. Those conversations generally consist of Damon tucking away the information onto the _Elena likes this_ list, or the _Elena REALLY likes that_ list.

(They've had some _awesome_ conversations.)

And of course he remembers the incident she's referring to; it was the first time he orgasmed in front of her, though he's not sure if she knows that's what happened. She was really hungry, and pretty focused on her own needs that day. He hums affirmatively again, and flares his eyes at her so she knows he knows just what she's talking about.

She giggles and ducks her chin a bit. "I've always wondered...what did that feel like for you? Because..." Her eyes skitter up, up, up and he catches them when they hit his own. The intensity of his stare won't let her look away, even if it's hard for her to say what she's got to say while looking directly at him. "Because it...felt really amazing to me, and you said it was personal, so I wondered if it was different-amazing for you, since you were the blood giver, and I was the blood taker?"

"Different-amazing?" he echoes, smirking at her a little. Her fingers are still rubbing at his lips, but her touch has changed from exploratory to teasing, and he can feel the reaction coiling in his body.

Or maybe it's the walk down memory lane. Probably a bit of both.

She smiles again, that happy, satisfied, gloriously beautiful expression he's seen so much of lately, and all he can think is that he wants to do whatever it takes to keep her looking like this forever.

"I..." she hesitates. "My panties were a bit... _wet_ ," she whispers the last word, and Damon is fully aroused again, ready to roll on top of her and take them both to the place they've spent most of their time for the last three weeks. "...after," she continues. "I felt pretty...guilty, I mean it was Pastor Young's funeral and all, but when I wasn't starving for blood, I was pretty much just thinking about... _this_..." Her hand vacates his face so fast, he's unprepared for her sliding it between their bodies to grasp his cock.

He gasps, "Holy shit, _Elena_ ," as she slides her fist up his shaft, and he moves in response, pushing her hair back and bringing her neck to his mouth. They haven't shared blood since they officially became a couple, but that was only because he'd been trying to keep some semblance of restraint visible, for both of them. He could willingly devour her 24 hours a day, by feeding, and fucking, and soaking up every ounce of love she gives him, but he's been practicing some form of moderation so as to keep himself from totally losing himself in her.

"This is what it felt like for me," he breathes just as he sinks his fangs into her carotid artery.

He knows it's probably a thousand times more powerful there than it was from the meaty part of the palm where he had her drink--a purposefully tame place, yet considering his intense attraction to her, his unrequited-at-the-time love, and his supreme sexual frustration with her back then, it had been enough to shoot him into orgasm territory about as quickly as drinking from her neck does for her right now, after a few weeks of multiple orgasms a day.

She moans and keens at the same time, and the hand around him spasmodically grips him as she rides the wave. Her thumb rubs the underside of the head of his penis as she groans out his name and he goes with her, his release splattering against her stomach in a less than elegant fashion.

He takes a deeper pull from her neck and she curses loudly, coming again right on top of the first, and neither of them seem to care about the lack of finesse between them.

She pants heavily as he lifts his head, and he drags the back of his hand across his mouth, smiling as he does so.

"That was _not_ what you felt," she accuses weakly, an answering smile tweaking the corners of her lips, even if she's too spent to go full-on with it.

"No?" he says, the teasing lilt to his voice enough to confirm her suspicion.

"No," she repeats, her voice a little firmer...

Damon's eyes pop open just as Elena's fangs sink into his wrist. They're in the same position they had been when he climbed in bed with her the night before, only she's managed to put memories in his head and bring his arm up to her mouth. He wakes up to a hard-on that very quickly expels itself as she drinks from him, and he'd get mad at her for taking advantage of him if he had any ability to do anything except lay there with his chest heaving.

But, he can't, because, well. _Elena_.

This break-up thing wasn't going very well so far.

"That was pretty shady," he remarks as she rolls out of his arms.

As her feet hit the floor, she tosses over her shoulder, "I was thirsty."

He watches as the naked curve of her back appears before his eyes and she drops her sleep shirt on the floor on her way into the bathroom.

If he thought loving Elena Gilbert had taken him to the depths of hell before he reached the highest degree of heaven, trying to break up with her was going to be a whole new level of purgatory.

He suddenly realizes just what he needs.

Reinforcements.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [](http://smg.photobucket.com/user/americanoutlaw/media/TVD/griefforRic_zpsd394cc7a.gif.html)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for violence--it goes a bit dark, here, folks, try to stick with me!

_'Cause the passion and pain are gonna keep you alive someday_

Elena fills Damon's bathtub with water and bubbles and then finishes undressing. She doesn't usually start her day with a soak in the tub, but part of her is eternally optimistic. She's sure he's going to join her, and all this break up stupidity is going to fade away.

She sinks down in the water, and closes her eyes, waiting patiently for him to join her. He definitely needs to clean up, since he just ruined the jeans he slept in. She hears him get out of bed, and grab some clothes from his closet, but then his footsteps fade away down the hall. 

He must go to the guest bathroom, but Elena keeps her eyes closed even as tears slowly leak from their corners.

 

 

Damon knocks on the Forbes' front door, and Liz gives him a big grin as she opens it. "Hey Damon," she says. "I haven't seen you in at least a month. Must be a record, right?"

He gives her a charming smile as he says, "Just let me know when you're ready to break it to the new Mayor that a vampire is on the Town Anti-Vampire Council."

She laughs and reaches for her jacket hanging on the hook on the inside of the door. "Yeah, not ready for the conversation just yet. What can I do for you? I'm on my way to the station."

"Actually, I'm here to see Caroline," Damon says, gesturing up the hall to where he knows Caroline's bedroom is. "She around? Or did she already head back to Whitmore?"

"Honey?" Liz calls, and Caroline appears quickly, looking somewhat frazzled. "I keep telling her to go back, but she's insistent that Stefan needs her help and that she has a very long time to go to college." Liz shrugs with resignation. "You can only do so much when your kid is going to live forever, you know."

She pats Damon's arm and then squeezes past him. He waves goodbye to her as she climbs in the squad car parked out on the street. He swings his gaze back to Caroline who is standing halfway between her bedroom and the front door, just looking at him. She puts her hands on her hips and demands, "What do you want?"

A sharp retort is instantly on his tongue; he doesn't know why, but Caroline has always made him want to kill her, even if when he first met her he'd had other uses for her. But now, what he needs from her requires both her ill regard for him, but also her cooperation, so he has to tread a very fine line. "You still hate me, right?" he asks.

She folds her arms over her chest. "With every fiber of my being," she confirms.

"Great," he says, clapping his hands together as he crosses the threshold. He knocks the door shut with his elbow and continues, "I need help, and you know it's gotta be a dire situation if I'm asking for yours."

"Oh, thank God, Damon!" she exclaims, closing the distance between them. "What is your plan? How are we going to get her out of that house?"

Confused, Damon hesitates. He searches her face for a clue about what she's talking about, but finally just goes with, "What?"

"Katherine, right? How are we getting her out of Stefan's life?" Her eyes glitter dangerously, and for the first time ever, Damon feels just a wee bit frightened of Caroline.

"Who cares about Katherine?" he asks with genuine curiosity. "She's gonna die--nature'll take care of that. You need to focus on what matters--getting _me_ out of Elena's life."

Caroline's head jerks back, and she blinks. Her mouth falls open, but no sound comes out initially. "What are you talking about? And I wouldn't bank on Katherine dying--if there's anyone we will never be able to get rid of, it's Katherine Pierce." She pauses, looking more closely at him. He doesn't know what she sees, but her expression softens just a bit. "And since when don't you want to be in Elena's life? I thought you two were on top of the world, looking down on creation, murdering together in blissful harmony? What happened to the perfect couple?"

Damon has his own moment of speechlessness, but he recovers quicker. "Murdering together? When have Elena and I--oh, you mean Jesse. For fuck's sake, Caroline, he was going to chew my head off. She only did what you would have done if the situation were reversed, except, you know, we had an _actual_ relationship as opposed to the _five seconds_ you knew that guy."

Caroline narrows her eyes at him. "I did mean Jesse, but I also mean Katherine. She told me about you and Elena feeding her to Silas. She said it was mostly you, but Elena didn't protest, so I finally got that I should stop bitching at her about what a horrible person you are, because she knows exactly what she's gotten herself into with you. And I also realized that she's a lot more like you than I ever really noticed before." She shrugs. "I don't like you, and I never will, but if I love Elena how can I keep harping on her about someone in her life that makes her happy? I mean, I'm a bitch, but I'm not _that_ big a bitch." When he says nothing, she waves her hand, as if that's all behind them. "So, problem at hand," she states with a decisive nod of her head. "Katherine, sucking the sympathy, empathy, and testosterone out of Stefan. We've got to make that stop."

Damon would point out to her that she probably has the same lesson to learn about Stefan's "happiness" that she did about Elena's, but he's pissed that of all the people he felt certain he could get to help him with this, Caroline has moved passed it.

He doesn't want to go around confessing the Enzo thing to more people, but he finds he's going to have to if he wants to accomplish anything. Stefan already knows, and Damon is certain his brother will easily be witness #1. But he needs another, which means Bonnie and Jeremy, who are now a package deal, are the ones he's going to have to rely on.

He turns around to head back out the door, muttering, "Fuck me," under his breath.

"Damon!" she shouts as he opens the door and walks through it. "Damon! Seriously! Stefan and Katherine?" He hears her chase after him, her shoes thudding across the porch as she follows him down the sidewalk to his car. "That's way grosser than you and Elena. You need to kick her out of your house!"

Damon rounds the Camaro and jerks the door open. He looks across the roof of the car at her, and just shakes his head. "You're on your own with that, Blondie."

Caroline flips him off as he drives away.

 

 

He has Jeremy and Bonnie meet him at the Grill because if he were to try to talk to them at the house, it could A) be awkward because Elena might overhear, and B) end up with them kicking him out of the room they had taken up residence in together ever since Bonnie became the Anchor.

They had been going at it as much as he and Elena had all summer, for obvious reasons. And honestly, their giddiness was a little hard to endure because it reminded him so much of himself and Elena, but also because somewhere along the way Bonnie and Jeremy had become very important to him, and so their happiness actually made him happy for them. It was all very strange as far as Damon was concerned.

He sits them down at a good table at the Grill, in the back, with plenty of privacy, and orders them all something to drink. (Cokes for the kids, whiskey for Damon. They scoff and he says, "Forget it," like suddenly he's the responsible one, and they exchange smiles like Damon's the silliest guy around.)

After the drinks are deposited on the table and he's compelled the waitress to leave them alone for a good half hour, he starts in on the whole thing. He starts with Joseph Salvatore, and doesn't leave out a single detail. Right down to Aaron Whitmore and his pathetic eyes and his dead aunt and having to let Elena know all that stuff while they were trapped in the holding cells beneath the college.

Jeremy's face is pretty impassive, but Bonnie sheds a few tears, particularly when Damon leaves Enzo behind in the fire. Then she gasps out loud when he tells them Enzo is still alive. "Is he trying to kill you?" she asks, her hand reaching over to grip Damon's.

Damon looks down at her pretty pale brown skin against his own very white fingers, and he ends up jerking his hand free from hers. "What the hell, Bonnie? I'm not looking for _sympathy_ , I need you to understand just what I'm capable of, so that you will back me up with Elena. I broke up with her two days ago and she won't 'accept' it. So you two need to remind her of all the reasons why you are against us being together."

There is a long stretch of silence where Damon just looks back and forth between the witch and her boyfriend. Finally Jeremy says, "I don't have a problem with you and Elena being together." Damon's gaze fastens on Elena's brother, but words abandon him completely as Jeremy continues, "And, yeah, you probably should stop with killing that Aaron guy's family, but dude, you're messed up. You always have been." He makes a small gesture towards his own neck, but carries on. "Your best shot is my sister. She loves you. She'll help you deal better with stuff than to just go kill people. So, yeah, I definitely don't think you should break up. And Elena doesn't want to break up, right? So, don't break up."

Feeling as though his head might explode, Damon looks back at Bonnie, who is gazing at Jeremy with an extremely sappy expression on her face. Damon clears his throat and her eyes jump back to him. "I agree," she says, almost apologetically, which infuriates Damon. He's not looking for pity, or understanding, and yet somehow that's all he can get out of these people. "Damon, I saw you guys, all summer. You were happy. Both of you. You know how rare that is, and you can't just toss it away. That's crazy. You've wanted this for so long, and so has Elena. If you don't want Elena to be with someone who kills people, then don't be someone who kills people."

Incredulity gives way to absurdity, so Damon snorts, "Riiiiiight. Because it's just that easy." He snaps his fingers, and then shoves a hand through his hair, barely restraining himself from pulling handfuls of it out.

Jeremy shifts in the booth next to Bonnie, leaning forward earnestly. "Well, of course it's not easy, but you've already changed so much. I mean, the dude that snapped my neck and killed Mason Lockwood? That guy's gone. But remember what you said to me, the day before you killed me? That life sucks either way? It's not true, Damon. I mean, yeah, sometimes it sucks. Sometimes the people you love most die, and you don't get what you need or want in life. And then other times, the thing you want most just somehow falls into your lap. Even if you don't deserve it, even if you don't know how to accept it. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't have it."

Damon is grateful he had the waitress just bring the bottle of MacCutcheon's with his glass, because he doesn't even bother with the tumbler. Instead he pulls the lid off and takes a big swig straight from the source. He slams the bottle down and slides out of his side of the booth. "Thanks for nothing," he mutters as he gets to his feet.

"Damon," Jeremy says, reaching out to grab his arm. 

Damon jerks himself free of Jeremy's grasp and just keeps walking, even when Bonnie calls out for him to come back.

Stefan is it; his only hope. 

Damon has never liked relying too much on his little brother. It has never turned out well. 

 

 

Stefan sits hunched over Katherine's arm as she's lying in his bed. Damon stands in the doorway, unsure how this is a thing, and wondering just why it bothers Caroline so much that she would want to team up with him to get Katherine out.

She's going to die; she doesn't look good at all, and her breathing is shallow. Right now her eyes are closed, but she's not dead yet. Damon can focus and hear the slow but steady beat of her heart. 

He doesn't dwell on Katherine for too long because he truly doesn't care; whatever Stefan's going through here, it has something to do with 1864 and Damon has many more problems in the present time that just outweigh anything from back then.

He'd already killed Katherine once, as Caroline reminded him earlier, and he wouldn't have cared if it had stuck. The thing is, this time he's sure it will, which is why Stefan won't leave her side. First love guilt, or something.

He clears his throat and Stefan glances over at him. "Hey, Damon," he says softly, as though speaking in a normal voice might disturb Sleeping Not-So-Much-Beauty. "Elena went for a run," he offers, as if Damon had asked.

"Good," Damon says entering the room. He walks around to stand on the other side of the bed so he can face Stefan, and gets right to the point. "I need to talk to you. About Elena," he adds, when Stefan just looks at him expectantly.

Stefan nods, and that's when Damon notices his brother is actually holding Katherine's hand. He's not just sitting there, he's stroking her fingers and offering comfort of some sort.

Maybe Caroline's right, after all.

"I broke up with her," he begins.

Stefan nods again. "Yeah, she told us. Said she thought you were going a bit crazy because of this Enzo thing."

Damon frowns. "I'm _not_ crazy. She's the crazy one, always finding reasons for the way we are, never accepting that we're vampires and that the way we behave is inexcusable."

Stefan's brow quirks a little, and he stares at Damon for a long, silent moment. "Okay, at least now I see what she's talking about. I'll be honest, brother, I figured I'd come out on your side in all of this, but you, as usual, aren't giving Elena enough credit."

Huffing angrily, Damon points at Stefan, and his voice gets loud without him intending it to. "You mean, as usual, you're more than happy to let her overlook all the shit we've done--"

Stefan stands up, and Damon can see that while he attempts to keep his temper, it's not easy for him. "I'd say that willingness has benefited _you_ a lot more than it has me, but whatever, Damon. Throw away the best thing that ever happened to you. But I'm not helping you with it, if that's what you're here for."

Rage boils up inside him at this, not because he hasn't been on this path all fucking day, but because how many times had each of these people said to his face, or to Elena's, that the only thing that mattered was staying as far away from Damon as possible? And now that it matters, he can't get a single, solitary one of them to even attempt a pinch hit for him. He knows how inscrutable Elena is, how she goes off and does whatever the hell she wants most of the time, but he also knows she cares what her loved ones think. And deep down, she knows, she's always known it was just a matter of time before this thing with the two of them would blow up, one way or another.

He's so mad, he can't even say anything, so he just spins on his heel to leave. He will make Elena see reason if it's the last thing he does, he just needs to figure out what'll take.

Katherine's quiet and croaky voice stops him just as he nears the door. "Show her, Damon. Don't _tell_ her what you are. _Show her._ "

"Katherine--" Stefan admonishes, but Damon turns to look back at her. She's watching him with clear and steady eyes, her hair a salt and pepper cloud around her head as it's propped up on Stefan's pillows.

"Show. Her," she says again, and it all clicks in his brain.

Of course. He could have saved himself a lot of running around if he'd just thought of it sooner.

 

 

When Elena gets back from her run, she stretches out on the front porch, not because vampires are prone to muscle cramps, but because it's a human thing she enjoys doing. It's not necessary, except that it is; it makes her feel connected, it makes her body, while superior in every way now, still work the way she's always counted on it to work.

She takes comfort in it.

As she walks into the Boarding House, she pulls her earbuds out and drops her iPod on the hall table. Damon is home, she saw his car out front, so she focuses, directing her ear attention to first the library and then their bedroom.

She hears the giggling of drunken girls coming from upstairs, and her heart sinks. He's really pulling out all the stops on this, and she doesn't know if she's emotionally prepared for how far he'll go.

If he's fucking some girl on their bed, she'll probably stake him, and at least that way it will be all over. They won't need to worry about break up etiquette under those circumstances.

She walks slowly up the stairs, and Stefan, who was obviously listening for her, meets her on the landing. He opens his mouth, but she just shakes her head and puts her finger to her ear. Damon is waiting, Damon is calculating, and she's not going to give him any advantage, not even Stefan's apology.

The door is ajar, so she just walks in. There are three girls, two blondes and a red head, all down to their bras and panties. Bite marks decorate their necks and wrists, but either they're all high on vampire blood, or the bites are purely superficial. Either way, she expects Damon to smirk his way through this, so as she searches the room for him, she's a bit surprised to see him draped over his Queen Anne armchair. He doesn't even have a drink in his hand, but he's watching her with a very somber expression.

Whatever she thinks this is, it's _not_. The chill that scampers up her spine terrifies her like nothing else in her life ever has, not being an orphan twice over, not becoming a vampire, not watching Jeremy's lifeless body putrefy, not even that horrifying moment when she turned her emotions back on after those blissful weeks of nothing but calm.

Damon has scared her plenty of times, as well, but this is different, and she knows there's nothing to stop it. So she just has to lay it out on the table, once and for all.

"I know exactly who you are, Damon," she says. "I'm not making excuses. I love you, period."

He nods. "I know. There's nothing I can do to change that, right? Nothing at all. Whatever horror from my past comes back to bite me in the ass, you'll be there to understand, to soothe me, to make me a _better man_ , right?"

Elena eyes the girls who have obviously been compelled to ignore the conversation because they're all moving like broken dolls to non-existent music, paying no attention to the two vampires in the room. She feels an instinct older than herself that tells her to get them out, get them out while she can, but at the same time, she can't just let this battle of wits with Damon end in platitudes. "No," she says softly, purposely making her voice gentle. "I want the man who told me that he doesn't live up to anyone's expectations; I have always wanted him, and now that I'm brave enough to embrace that, it really bothers me that you're running away from me."

His lips tremble a little, and then he responds in an equally quiet voice. "I'm not running. I'm showing you exactly what you're getting," and then he moves so fast towards one of the blonde girls that Elena can't get there before him. He rips her throat out and she drops to the floor in a heap. 

When he goes for the redhead, Elena is there, pressing herself against his chest. "You are running, Damon. You did it before, with the sirebond, you did it when I asked you to be human with me, you did it when I told you I didn't even want the cure anymore. And now, _this._ " She uses all of her strength to hold him back, but he's older and stronger, and she knows she won't be able to hold him long. She digs her fingernails into his chest, through his black button down. "Damon, _stop_ ," she pleads. "I love you, and I know you love me, I know it better than I know anything else in the world; I know you would never let anyone hurt me, and you'd give your life for mine, and I _know_ that the way you love me is _forever_. And that's the way I love you. How can we be immortal creatures who love each other like that and _not_ be together? It makes no sense. All we have to do is work these things out, because with love, we can. _We can,_ I know it."

His eyes, his beautiful, beautiful eyes that have always shown her everything she just spoke of drill into hers in a way that surpasses every other exchange they've ever had. And then she sees it, the moment he does it, the way the light just goes out. Suddenly the strength she is struggling against is impossible to fight. His hands come up and grasp her shoulders, moving her aside as if she were nothing but a pesky fly in his way. "That's why I can't love you anymore," he says calmly, all emotion purged.

Elena just stands there, completely immobile, as he kills the other two girls, unable to process anything at all except that Damon Salvatore just shut off his humanity.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [](http://smg.photobucket.com/user/americanoutlaw/media/TVD/ElenaDamonvision_zps8b3d4244.gif.html)   
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Opening quote from P!nk's "The Great Escape."
> 
> Because I'm a terrible plotter--I just sort of write and see what happens--this has gotten a bit unwieldy. So it's changing from 3 parts to 4 so I can post what is already written. The rest will (hopefully) be written and posted before the show comes back on the 23rd.

_i'm the king of the great escape_

Damon leaves town.

Katherine slips into a coma.

Stefan won't leave her bedside.

Caroline makes casseroles.

Bonnie and Jeremy surface long enough to offer support.

And Elena?

...Elena survives. Just like she always does.

 

 

The first month that Damon is gone, Elena doesn't have as much time to dwell on the tragedy that occurred right before her eyes as one might expect her to--she's too busy training three new vampires. Damon had given the girls his blood before he killed them, so about an hour after he left Elena dumbfounded in their bedroom, the first blonde (Lafayette was her name, her daddy was into Civil War Re-enactments) gasped back to life, and Elena had to scramble into action.

Together with Stefan, they outlined the options the girls had, and of course all three of them opted to keep living, even if that meant steering clear of friends and loved ones for a time, at least until they had control of their bloodlust.

Luckily for everyone, the Boarding House had spare rooms, so they took up residence at _chez_ Salvatore until Elena felt sure they weren't in any danger of becoming rippers. It helped that Caroline came in and together they did the _Vampires Are Awesome!_ cheer that they had once given Jesse, but they also explained why it was imperative to keep their status a secret given the area they lived in. As it turned out, they were all best friends from the South Carolina area, and had been on a road trip when they encountered Damon in a bar on the outskirts of town.

They handled their newfound status relatively well, and Elena ended up crying herself to sleep the night they all left with daylight rings Bonnie had made for them because she realized Damon had actually set up a _project_ for her in the wake of what he'd done. 

Because he's Damon, and he's as lovable as he is insufferable.

She spends her days after that with Stefan, hovering over Katherine's not-quite-dead body and lamenting every tiny thing she could have done, or should have said, or just being flat out pissed at Damon for what he thought/did/was. Although, most of the time she wavered between being mad he shut it all off and left her to being furious that he had pursued her in the first place, made her fall in love with him by being so unconditional about everything when it came to her which in turn caused her to accept all the difficult things about him, only to find that it too much to bear apparently, her loving him like that.

Stefan is absolutely no help, but he is a good listener, and he has the occasional story about his brother that he offers up, hoping to shed light on what Damon feels (felt) and why he made the decision he did.

There is a lot of reminiscing about all the things Damon did for Stefan over the years, followed by monologues about his inherent selfishness, and Elena ends up pointing out to Stefan that he makes no sense.

"Hmmm," is all Stefan says in response. And then, "He'll be back, Elena. He always comes back."

She goes and cries on Bonnie's shoulder and gets a lot of hugs as well as placating statements such as, "I don't know what else you could have done either," from both her best friend and her brother. Caroline slams around the kitchen, mixing egg noodles with tuna and broccoli, muttering to herself about _when Katherine finally dies, maybe things will get back to normal around here_ and Elena doesn't even attempt to get consolation from that source.

Aaron turns up to tell her that his Uncle Wes is dead, and that he's sure vampires did it, but he doesn't blame them, knowing the circumstances. Elena sits in the parlor with him and realizes he's a mirror to everything she's endured the last two and a half years, and she can't bear to send him away. So, she tells him everything, from meeting Damon on the road near the Falls the day her parents died to that moment when she watched everything she loved about him extinguish right out of his face.

Matt comes over with the woman Elena remembers as having once snapped her neck, and she learns that Nadia is actually Katherine's daughter. She and Matt have been gone for several weeks attempting to find a way to save Katherine's life. There is something awkward about their arrival, but when Elena tells Nadia she can go up and see Katherine, who hasn't been conscious in several days, Matt invites Elena to go on a walk with him.

He shows her this antique knife he's carrying and tells her that it can kill the spirit of a person who possesses you, and that basically, Nadia will be asking Elena if they can put Katherine's essence into her body for safe keeping. "She thinks I'm going to help her with that," Matt says sheepishly, "but obviously, I'm not going to. I just feel bad for her, you know? Her mom sucks, and she just wants it to be something it can't be, and Katherine can't be body hopping as a way to keep living." He presses the knife into Elena's hand. "You should put this in a safe place, so that you and I know where it is, just in case they pull one over on us."

Elena tells Matt about the safe in Damon's room (the one he had installed after he got the last White Oak Stake to kill Originals with), and she shares the combination with him, so either of them can get it out if they need to. "I'm surprised that she would ask," Elena says. "I mean, she didn't ask you when she put her boyfriend in you."

Matt grins. "Yeah, well, we're friends now. We bonded, which is lucky for you is all I can say."

He gives her a hug, and that causes something to crack in her chest, and she ends up bawling her eyes out against his shoulder. In the end, all he knows is it's something about Damon leaving, but Elena doesn't have the energy to tell the whole thing again. She'd been stoic during the recounting with Aaron, but with Matt she can just be the girl who falls in love with vampires no matter what a terrible idea it is. Her oldest friend in the world offers nothing but understanding eyes and a strong set of shoulders to help carry the burden, and Elena can't be strong anymore. 

Matt rubs her back and holds her tight and Elena soaks up his strength to soldier on for another day, because she hasn't even figured out how she's going to track Damon down yet.

Tomorrow. That's what she'll do tomorrow.

 

 

Elena loves his bathtub. Like an inordinate amount. Almost like an extension of her love for him. He doesn't really blame her. It's an awesome fucking tub, he knows that.

But she takes a bath every day now. 

Not that he's complaining, mind you. She spends half of her time glistening and naked, and most often she invited him in with her and they made love.

It was just, you know, all the water on the floor, and all the towels in the laundry, and well...okay, really he has nothing to complain about.

Elena manages to make every day, ordinary chores wonderful somehow. Life is perfect.

Maybe a little too perfect.

It's that first thought that begins to fester, even though he ignores it as much as possible for as long as possible.

 

 

Elena sits in Katherine's (Stefan's) room, on hospice watch, alone, a few days later. She still hasn't come up with a good plan, beyond using Bonnie for a tracking spell, and she doesn't feel right about that, because the more she considers it, the more she understands there's no point in finding Damon if she doesn't have a plan on how to get him to turn his emotions back on.

Stefan has left for the first time since Katherine slipped into unconsciousness because he was literally starting to stink and Elena forced him to go take a shower. Nadia was sleeping in one of the spare rooms, Matt was at work, and no one else liked sitting with Katherine.

Not that Elena _likes_ it, exactly. She just feels like she should, for some inexplicable reason.

When Katherine's eyes blink open, Elena's heart to starts to race. It's possible that this will finally bring about the confrontation with Nadia that Matt has been predicting, and Elena's a little bit nervous. 

Mostly because part of her has been thinking maybe she ought to let Katherine have a home.

Inside her own body.

She knows it's crazy, but it's the only thing she can think of that will work. If someone could find Damon and tell him that Katherine had possessed her? That might be the trick to bringing him back. She remembers the way he figured it out--what needed to be done to bring Elena back when she was the humanity-less one--because he knows her so well, because he knows that for her, death is the worst thing, even if it has always beckoned to her in some strange way.

The only thing that matters to Damon is Elena. Well, not the _only_ thing, but she's the thing that matters most--the thing that would cause him to do the exact opposite of what he wanted--the way he feels about her, and how much her freedom matters to him. At least, her freedom from things he deems unworthy.

When she imagines his fury at Katherine taking up residence in her body, she knows beyond a shadow of a doubt, the only thing that could piss him off more is if Elena was _consenting_.

Because Damon always wants to take her choices away when it comes to himself. But Katherine benefiting from Elena's generosity? She can't imagine anything that would spur him to action faster.

"Elena?" Katherine's voice is raspy, weak.

Elena knows her spirit would be the exact opposite of that. She moves closer to the bed. "I'm here, Katherine," she says softly.

 

 

Damon doesn't have a wall calendar, or an alert on his phone that reminds him when it's time to kill a Whitmore. It's just a cyclical thing, every 10 to 15 years, and strangely enough, he's in the bathtub with Elena when the idea ferments in his head.

He hasn't killed one in a while. Maybe it's even been closer to 20 years. He really should look into that.

Elena's lips are moving sensuously across his chest, and she's sitting astride him, just holding him inside. He can feel the muscles sheathing him flexing and unflexing, but she's not moving up and down, it's just an experiment in control, both her own and his, but when her teeth-- _her fangs_ \--graze the vein at the base of his throat, he jerks upward in response.

"Baby, please," he pants, one of his hands coming up to grip the back of her head. He's not sure what he wants, her mouth on his, or her teeth fully in him so that he can come, because he's so _right there_ , but at the same time, he sort of wants to drag it out a little longer.

She lifts her head at the sound of his voice, though, her eyes meeting his. She's on the edge, too, he can see it in her face, feel it in every line of her body, but there is something in her eyes, something dark and fierce, something new, that he hasn't seen before. She leans into him, pressing her lips to his in what can only be described as a _chaste_ kiss, with her eyes fully open. Her lashes are spiky from the bath water, and the brown of her irises is totally eclipsed by the dilation of her pupils. Her arousal--her _desire for him_ \--is so potent that something twinges in his chest, vivid and painful and heavenly.

She pulls back so that the smallest molecule of air can flow between their lips and breathes, "I love you," with such heat, that he comes, without her moving, without her biting him. It's the explosion of _her_ passion in _his_ body, and he realizes that somehow she allowed the transference of her emotions to occur.

She lays her head down on his shoulder, resting against him, and says nothing more, leaving him to wonder if it was an accident. He's certainly never let her feel what he goes through every time she's within arms' length of him, but that's because he doesn't want to freak her out with the intensity of his own sentiments.

He doesn't expect it to freak him out to learn that hers match his.

When he approaches Aunt Sara Whitmore, guardian of Aaron Whitmore, three days later in a bar, he debates with himself. He spends more than an hour in her company before luring her to his car, and he doesn't even bite her. 

He does snap her neck, though, and leaves her somewhere for animals to discover.

 

 

The day after Katherine dies, Elena finds Stefan lying on his bed, where she had lain, where she had died.

Her heart hurts for him, and there aren't words to express what she guesses he's going through, so she quietly enters the room and lies down next to him. He turns on his side so he's facing her and she reaches for his hand. 

Some time passes, and then she asks, "Why, when we were together, did you never show me things, in my mind? I'd say of all the vampire tricks, that one's the best. You could totally have shown me your memories--it would have made it easier to explain so many things." She had tried to do that with Damon before he left, but it hadn't made any difference, and yet, she still thinks it had been worth it. Just reminding him what they had shared, how deep it went.

Stefan takes a soft breath, shaking his head, his hair scraping at the pillow. "I never wanted to invade your mind, Elena. And besides, most of the memories I ever shared with you were not happy ones--showing them wouldn't have felt good to either of us." He pauses, then asks, "Did you call him?"

She nods. "I got his voicemail, of course. I told him we were having the funeral on Friday, so it gives him some time to get home, depending on where he is, or if he even checks his voicemail." She squeezes his hand. "Do you think he'll come?"

"I have no idea," Stefan says flatly. "He certainly has no affection for Katherine, even when his switch is on, so..."

Elena can feel his pain, whatever he feels for Katherine bothering him to the point of projecting annoyance on Damon for not feeling it. She can't do anything for Damon, but maybe she can do something for Stefan. "Let me show you something," she whispers.

Stefan gives the barest nod of assent.

She tightens her hand around his and closes her eyes. She sees a young woman, the one who looks like her, at least in the face, but everything else is so different. The dress she wears is ornate, with a matching hat pinned to her hair, which is done up in an equally complicated fashion. She steps down from a buggy and looks at Stefan, who is standing on the front porch of a beautiful old house, only it looks new; Elena can tell it isn't new, though, just from the architecture. Katherine Pierce is seeing Stefan Salvatore for the first time, and Elena can feel the way her heart speeds up, how the length of time that their eyes rest on each other is a forbidden sort of thing that titillates. She doesn't know why, but all she can feel is that everything has changed forever in this one moment.

"Stop!" Stefan jerks his hand from Elena's, and her eyes pop open. He doesn't look soothed, or happy about what she just shared, and she doesn't understand why. She thought if he could feel what Katherine felt that first day she met him, he might find some solace in it. 

He sits up rigidly and jumps off the bed. "What the hell are you doing?"

"I thought it would comfort you to see how she remembered the first time she met you," she says, easing herself into a kneeling position. She reaches out to him, but he evades her grasp.

"She's lying," Matt says from the doorway, and Elena turns her head at the same moment Stefan does. "Nadia did it, somehow, didn't she? She put Katherine inside Elena?"

"What?" Stefan all but shouts, and Elena shakes her head negatively. "Matt, no," she says, but when Stefan whips his head around to look at her, his expression is one of horror.

"That's how you could show me that memory!" he cries, launching himself across the room at her. He pins her to the floor on the other side after they crash down off the bed in a heap. "Vervain, Matt! Get the vervain in the top drawer of my desk!" Stefan shouts and Elena screams as she bucks up against him.

She's not able to get the upper hand, though she puts up a good fight, bloodying Stefan's nose with a perfectly landed headbutt, but then Matt is there and she feels a syringe prick her neck and everything goes dark.

 

 

Damon is lightly snacking on the femoral artery of a very pretty, very (artificial) blonde college girl. She's wearing short-shorts which gives him good access, and even though she keeps running a finger over his zipper, he's got no interest in that. He just likes the way the blood flows from the lower extremity.

Enzo is across the room with his own co-ed, though they are doing more than playing diner and dinner, so Damon keeps his eyes averted.

They've been roaming around the eastern seaboard for a while now, he has no idea how long exactly because time has ceased to matter, along with everything. After they killed Dr. Wes, it had been _hasta la vista_ Virginia and nothing particular had been on their agenda.

No rules, no direction, no thoughts.

Damon rarely thought about Mystic Falls. Or at least, he would rarely think of it if everyone didn't call him all the damn time.

His voicemail had become a hodge-podge of whiny adolescents begging for his return:

Jeremy: _Damon, it's Jer. You need to come home, man. It's just not right here without you. What's gonna happen the next time someone tries to kill Elena? I can't do this all by myself, and you know Stefan's no help. Call me._

Caroline: _Damon, this is Caroline Forbes. I think you're the most horrible person I've ever known, and I can't believe you turned these three nice girls into vampires; as if you haven't done enough damage! You need to come home and help us train them, at the very least, and at the most you need to come home and beg for Elena's forgiveness, which I'm sure she will hand over to you on a silver platter. You are such a jerk!_

Bonnie: _Hi, Damon. I just wanted to talk. I hope you're okay. Could you give me a call when you get this message? 'Kay, thanks. Bye._

Then, as if all that weren't annoying enough, he got a message from Matt Donovan, who didn't bother to identify himself. (Damon wasn't sure if it was the message that annoyed him, or the fact that he recognized the guy's voice.) _Hey, Damon, I know I've only called you like never before, but I really think you need to come home. I never realized how much everyone relied on you, and they're all kinda lost without you. And Elena...well, she's trying real hard to be tough, but she's not doing real great. And your brother is like obsessed with Katherine, which is really weird, right? So, yeah. Maybe think about coming home, soon, okay?_

His phone vibrates in his breast pocket just as he takes the last pull of blood from the blonde and she stops groping him because she's pretty much dead. He'd had a call earlier from Elena, but he hadn't listened to that voicemail because he figured it was more of the same, only, you know, she would have some girlfriend-y guilt trip for him that won't work because he's shut off and doesn't give a shit. Now he looks to see who has called, and it's his brother, and to be honest that intrigues him a little, because, let's face it, Stefan only calls when there's a problem.

His finger hovers over Stefan's voicemail, but he finds himself pushing the one above it bearing Elena's name. "Damon, hey," her voice sounds gravelly, almost like she's on the verge of laryngitis, which is impossible, obviously. "I thought you should know...Katherine uh- _died_ \--yesterday. She just, well, her body gave out on her, and she, well, she told me a lot of things before, just stuff she wanted to get off her chest, I guess, like that she had lied when she told you she never loved you. She wanted me to be sure to tell you that she did love you, in whatever botched way it was, and she was sorry for hurting you. She knows--knew--you didn't care anymore, I mean, even before you shut off your humanity, but still. She wanted you to know. And, I wanted you to know that we're burying her in my family plot on Friday at noon, if you want to come. You probably think that's weird, that I'd bury her with my family...but, I don't know. It just seemed right, I guess. Well, anyway. If you want to come, you know where we'll be." There is a long pause and Damon's relieved the message is over, because it's like a fucking novella when she takes a little breath and he knows what's coming but he's just not fast enough (so he tells himself) to turn it off before she can softly utter, "I love you, Damon. Always."

He immediately presses play on Stefan's message.

"Damon, you need to come home, right now. Katherine has taken possession of Elena's body. I mean it, _right now._ "

And that's it, that's the whole message. Damon's first thought is _what do you mean, Katherine's taken possession of Elena's body?_ His second thought is, _fuck that bitch, even in death she wins_ , and his third thought is the one he's struggled with the most since he left the Boarding House in a blaze of glory 37 days ago: _It's a lie, you know. There's no switch you can turn off. Sure, when you're a newbie...but after a couple hundred years, you just have to pretend._

His fourth thought, as he dumps the dead girl on the floor, is _I hate all women, everywhere._

He doesn't even say goodbye to Enzo.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [](http://smg.photobucket.com/user/americanoutlaw/media/TVD/ElenabeckoningDamon.gif.html)  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> opening quote lifted from P!nk's "Just Give Me a Reason."

_you're still written in the scars on my heart_

When Elena comes to, she's locked in the cellar of the Boarding House. If her throat wasn't so dry, she might even quip, _What, this again?_ but she can't make much distinct sound, and she's pretty sure that would just convince Stefan, whom she can hear talking on the other side of the door, that she is in fact Katherine.

But she's not. _Really_ , she's not.

"Stefan?" she manages to croak and his face appears between the metal bars in the small window at the top of the door. She pantomimes drinking water and he disappears from view again without a sound.

She presumes even Katherine at her most diabolicial would be sanctioned some water while the talking heads figure out what they're gonna do with her, and considering the belief that she's in _Elena's_ body, she's sure he will give her water, at least a sip. She almost laughs to herself; maybe getting vervained an excessive amount for absolutely no good reason has turned her as snarky as Damon, because her thoughts suddenly remind her of him very distinctly.

And then her heart squeezes painfully in her chest, and she all but folds in on herself, because, _god_ , she misses him so much. If she ever sees him again, she's going to punch his face. And then kiss his face. In that order.

When Stefan opens the door and enters the chamber with a small cup of water, Matt and Caroline take up matching mirrored stances in the doorway. Caroline is looking at her with a combination of apprehension and concern, as though she might be staring at her best friend, or the girl that she'd palled around with more recently. Matt looks determined...and, Elena can't quite place it, but something snags at the back of her mind. She's very out of it because of the vervain, but as Stefan slips a hand under her neck and lifts her up to tip the cup of water into her mouth, she knows what she sees in Matt's eyes is important.

Then he says, "My mom wants me to go buy milk," and Caroline throws him a confused glance while something clicks into place for Elena.

Back in the day, back when sneaking around and getting away with something felt like the biggest thrill to two kids who rarely did anything wrong, Matt and Elena had worked out a code. If for any reason they couldn't make it to a clandestine appointment (such as making out behind the high school, or sneaking down to the cemetery for some illicit drinking, or just being out when everyone thought they were in bed sleeping), that was the code. _My mom wants me to go buy milk._

It was dumb when they were 14 and it's dumb now, but it communicates the hidden message. Matt knows she's not Katherine, but he is going to great lengths to get everyone to believe that she is.

For Damon.

Elena closes her eyes tightly, trying to trap the tears that have sprung forward inside. If she’s going to do this, if she’s going to convince them that she _is_ Katherine, so that they have the crisis they need to bring Damon home, she can’t falter, not even for a second.

She had told Matt about her crazy idea; he was the only one she’d told, because for those two days that she really considered it, she knew she would need his help to pull it off. First of all, she would have needed Nadia to cast the spell or perform the ritual or whatever, and that was the first wall they hit that caused Matt to tell her it wasn’t fair to do that the daughter of Katherine Pierce. 

She had agreed, and further discussion of how to do it without her had ensued, but ultimately it hadn’t even been Matt who convinced her otherwise; it had been Katherine herself. So, now, in this moment, she wonders just what Katherine would say, would think, would feel if she’d taken the chance offered to her.

(She also loves Matt more than she could ever express for taking matters into his own hands.)

She opens her eyes and tries to see Stefan the way Katherine had seen him–the way she’d described to her in that very first memory of the day they met. She thinks of the love that her doppelganger had felt for him, that had been so very different from her own affection for him.

She just smiles triumphantly at him as he holds the cup to her lips, and she whispers, “I had to do it, you know I did.”

He’s instantaneously furious all over again, she can feel it emanating from him as he drops her unceremoniously to the floor.

Stefan looks at Matt and Caroline and Matt grimly nods his head. “That’s the translation of the Latin; Nadia told me that she always said it in Latin because most people couldn’t repeat it, but that the English translation would work just the same.”

“Work to do what?” Caroline asks, looking back at Elena with greater fear. 

“Whenever that is said, Katherine will come out, basically.”

“Ewww,” Caroline says. “Put her back! What are the words to put her back?”

Elena watches while Matt’s lips tremble; this is going to be hard if he starts laughing. “It’s the same thing: _My mom wants me to go buy milk._ ”

Elena blinks dramatically, and then stretches out a hand to grab at Stefan’s arm. “Damon?” she asks.

“Wait just a second,” Caroline’s voice breaks in. “Am I the only one who thinks that sounds _ridiculous_ as far as Latin translations go?”

Stefan takes Elena’s hand and tosses back to the blonde, “What do you even know about Latin, anyway, Caroline?”

Caroline spins on her heel and leaves and Matt is unable to contain the fleeting grin that lights up his face. Luckily, Stefan isn’t looking at him.

“Damon’s not here, Elena,” he croons, scooping her up into his embrace, his chin pressed to the crown of her head. “But he will be soon, I’m sure of it.”

“What’s happening?” she asks, grateful for the vervain and its lingering effects on her. “Did...is Katherine really...?”

Stefan squeezes her tight and she feels him nod his head. “It looks like it. I’m so sorry, Elena. So sorry. But Damon called me back and he’s coming home. We’ll figure out what to do when he gets here.”

The dagger that Matt had given her sits upstairs in Damon’s safe, and though it’s completely unnecessary, she can’t help but imagine his blue eyes, and the expressive light that might reappear if she lets him stab her with it. If he thinks he’s killing Katherine, if he thinks he’s saving her, if he thinks, for even one second that they all need him despite his flaws. This time when the tears come, she lets them fall freely. She holds Stefan’s hand and cries and he just whispers, “Shhh,” into her hair.

 

 

Damon sits in the Camaro in the drive way for a good five minutes after he's shut the engine off. Every light in the house is burning, and it's 4:37am, so he wonders if everyone's in there like hamsters on spinning wheels, or if they all fell asleep mid-plot, unable to admit they had no fucking clue what to do.

It's not like he knows, though he knows that they are all going to look to him for answers.

Mentally, he knows how to work this situation; after all, he's only been living it and reliving it for the two and half years he's known all of them (minus Stefan, of course). Emotionally, he's not sure where he is. He cares, of course, against his better judgment, despite trying desperately _not_ to, but the problem with a nearly 200-year old switch is that what you do care about and what gets your humanity to stick its figurative nose back into the wind is all very transitory. Emotion erupts in short bursts, and with a little effort it's easily suppressed. Combine that with Damon's inherent ability to switch off and revel in less emotionally complicated situations...well, the point is there is no scientific certainty here.

Underneath it all, he knows he loves Elena. He loves most of them (not Caroline, obviously), but that's not the motivating force here. That is not the feeling that had him driving all night until he hit Route 40, turning on to that familiar old road that had led him home for decades.

There was rage, for sure. Hatred trailed behind it by like one thousandeth of a point. And bringing up the rear in third place: the need for _justice_. He should have killed Katherine how many times? Too many to count. And then when he had finally done it, it hadn't stuck because that's just his luck.

He would leave Mystic Falls again, just as quickly as he blew back in, the moment he had her dead, for real, for certain, with no fucking loopholes in sight. He would do _whatever_ it took to accomplish it, and if that meant he had to kill everyone else to get it done, so be it. He was 148 years overdue for this murder; it's the only one that mattered, it's the only one he should have ever cared about.

It's really too bad Elena and Katherine were sharing a body now, because he was all for Elena switching off and joining in, since this had been her original idea less than a year before. He searches his memory and for the life of him he can't remember why he talked her out of it.

Someone knocking on his window jerks him out of his thoughts and he turns his head, startled, towards the sound. Jeremy is gesturing wildly, and a huge smile has eclipsed his face. "Unlock the door, you douche!" he shouts, though Damon can hear him quite easily through the glass. "Get out here!"

He takes a deep breath and opens the door. He's not even all the way out before Jeremy is reaching in and wrapping his arms around him, lifting Damon clean off his feet in a crazy exurberant hug. "Dude!" Jeremy crows, bouncing Damon around slightly before planting his feet on the ground. "You know I fucking hate Katherine, but if she got you to come home, I might have to be nice to her, before we, you know, kill her or whatever you've got planned." He slaps Damon's back enthusiastically. "Welcome home!"

The pained smile that twists Damon's lips shoots corresponding spikes of emotional duress through his chest.

This is going to be a nightmare, regardless of Katherine Pierce. 

 

 

Elena is sitting up, her back against the wall, while Stefan and Matt quietly discuss what to do. Nadia has conveniently disappeared, and Elena wonders if Matt vervained her, too, and stuck her somewhere, but she listens as he doesn't really tell Stefan anything other than his own experience when he was possessed. He talks about how he lost periods of time--each one longer than the one before it, and how the guy--Gregor--threatened him via a video recorder should he tell anyone what was going on. It was Katherine, of course, who ended up helping him, because she knows all about Traveller magic having been the daughter of one.

"She stabbed me with this special dagger," Matt explains. "For some reason it kills the spirit of the other person but doesn't harm the host."

"We need to find that dagger," Stefan says, his voice rough. He casts a glance back at Elena, and she can see it in his face; he's not looking forward to Katherine's death a second time (or a third time, or whatever it is). Her conscience flares up and she wishes she could tell him the truth, but Stefan is the weak link, and she knows that. She wasn't privy to all of Damon's plans ever, but she was more often than his brother, for good reason.

Speaking of brothers, she hears Jeremy come in the front door upstairs, and his voice is unbelievably cheerful considering she knows he and Bonnie have been informed of the 'possession.'

That's when she hears the faint murmuring of another voice, one that seems to be responding to Jeremy, but in a far less jovial tone.

"Damon," she whispers, and both of her ex-boyfriends look at her. Then Stefan listens carefully. He nods and disappears, leaaving Matt and Elena alone as he runs up the stairs.

"This is crazy," she whispers, holding out her hand to Matt.

He stifles a laugh as he comes over to squat down next to her. "I know, right? It just came to me, and I had to run with it. Sorry I had to vervain you."

Elena presses a finger to her lips, and then one to her ear. "Quiet," she warns. "Vampire ears are about."

"Oh, right," he says, dropping his tone lower.

"They're not paying attention right now," she says softly. "They're too busy not hugging each other, but really they're very happy to see one another."

Matt shakes his head. "I'll never get it, Elena, what it is with you guys. All I know is it's been awful around here without Damon."

Elena smiles even as more tears prick her eyes. "He just gets under your skin, Matt. Don't fight it, just go with it." She hears their footsteps as the other three men in her life come tromping down the stairs. "Help me up, would you?" she asks.

Matt eases himself down and Elena gets her left arm around his shoulder so he can help her stand. She's feeling much better, but it had been a large dose of vervain. What she really needed was some blood, but she had a feeling Stefan and Damon would not want to do anything to give this body power, in case Katherine came out to play. She knew what to do with a vampire's body far better than Elena did.

Jeremy comes through the door first, and then Stefan and Damon. "...so when those words are said, Katherine's spirit takes over. From what we know so far, we can control that, but who knows how long that lasts. She could gain power the longer she's inside, maybe do things to deceive us..."

"Like pretend to be Elena?" Damon says as he crosses the threshold. His eyes meet hers just as he adds, "We sure as hell can't count on you to be able to tell the difference."

Stefan scoffs. "Like you were never fooled?"

Elena hobbles forward a bit, and when they are closer together, she slaps him as hard as she can across his face. It's not her personal best, but it's still pretty good, and a little smirk dances over his mouth. "Oh, it's Elena, alright. I am intimately acquainted with her right hook, after all. Miss me, sweetheart?" he mocks.

"Just wait," she says, her voice still somewhat weak, so the moment isn't as flinty as some of their previous fights.

She sees it then, a little flicker in his eyes, as though her weakness hurts him, or surprises him, or something. Her heart must swell to three times its natural size.

He drags his eyes from her face to Matt's. "Okay, Quarterback. Tell me everything about this dagger."

 

 

Matt doesn't really know much, and why this even surprises Damon pisses him off. Of course, everything seems to add fuel to his fire: Stefan, useless as usual, Jeremy, ridiculously happy to see him, Elena, still so beautiful he can't look directly at her even though she obviously feels like shit because of being vervained.

Then Bonnie comes in with a Grimiore that has a possible wanky counter-spell that guarantees nothing (and gives him a _hug_ ), and the group of them actually agree that that will be their last resort.

Their first resort: appealing to Katherine's humanity.

Damon literally laughs out loud when Stefan suggests this. "Are you a fucking moron?" he demands once he regains his composure. "Oh, yeah, you are. First you slept with her, then you wouldn't leave her bedside, and you somehow thought she was redeemable or some shit, but _open your eyes, Stefan_ , she took _possession_ of Elena's body. She's the same old manipulative bitch who got us killed, turned us against each other, and killed Jeremy! We are not going to be able to _talk_ her into telling us where the hell the dagger is that will give Elena her life back!"

That's when Busboy McGee suggests, "We'll let you do the talking, Damon. You, alone with Katherine. You do whatever you have to, but get her to talk. If it doesn't work--"

"It _won't!_ " Damon inserts.

"--then we'll do something else."

Elena turns to Stefan, even though she's still being held upright by Matt. Damon knows it's completely platonic, but it still infuriates him to see Matt's hands on her. Pretty much everything going on in the cellar makes the anger flowing through his body move faster and stronger. "Tie me up, bring Katherine out, and let Damon do whatever he needs to. He'll be able to do it, he's shut off."

"I could do it fully lit up like a fucking Christmas tree," he mutters. "I should have done it the first time I saw her again in this very house two years ago."

They all follow him up the stairs, a bunch of sheep that he's no doubt leading to the slaughter in some form. He goes up to one of the spare rooms that is still unoccupied and gestures to one of the chairs in the corner. "Lash her in good," he says to Stefan and Matt. Then he turns to Jeremy. "Go get the poker from my bedroom fireplace." While Stefan and Matt tie Elena up, Damon glances at Bonnie who definitely looks trepedatious."Y'all best get out of the house, because I'm gonna make her scream, and not in a good way." Bonnie's eyes meet his, and he sees that old disgust, the feeling that used to be the only expression that Bonnie ever had for him. It buoys him up like nothing else. He's gonna get this done, or at least have a helluva time doing it.

He looks over just as Elena nods at Matt and then Matt says the magic words that brings Katherine out. She blinks and her eyes move around the room, landing first on Stefan. _Of course._ She doesn't say anything though, and when she finally looks away from Damon's brother and sees him, a smile unlike any other explodes on her face. "So, you got the memo, huh?" she asks, and then she gives him a sultry once over. "Like my new digs?" she asks, shrugging Elena's shoulders minutely under the tightly coiled bands around her.

"Everybody out," Damon commands, never taking his eyes from her face. She doesn't have the sense to be scared, but he's not worried. She will be, just give him a second.

"Damon?" He puts his hand out when Jeremy says his name, and the poker is slapped into his palm.

"You know what hurts worse than a hot poker?" he asks, stalking towards Katherine's chair. "A cold one," and he drives it into one of her thighs with absolutely no warning.

She screams, and he hears the shuffling of feet behind him. He doesn't check to see if they've actually left, but due to the ensuing silence, he's pretty sure all that's left is him and the woman who keeps ruining his life.

 

 

Elena drops her head back on her shoulders, panting, and tries to focus on the design in the ceiling above her. Anything to draw her mind away from the pain Damon's inflicting on her. Anything to stop thinking about how long this has to go on before she'll know it's okay to tell the truth.

The random thought that no one will believe her and Matt when they try to undo the damage they've created sends a terrifying shudder through her already tormented body.

Either he's tired of her screaming, or he's just tired, but Damon lets the poker clang to the floor as he pulls up a chair to face her. "The dagger, Katherine. Where. Is. It?"

Elena gulps in air, and tries to play her part. What malicious words would Katherine lead with here? What would she say that would wound Damon, that would take him down a notch? Her mind is a total blank, and despite the copious bleeding injuries to her abdomen, chest, and extremities, the only thing she really feels, emotionally, is love for him.

She knows he would hate that, knowing who she really is, and that after everything, especially this, she just loves him. But she does. She always has. It was, at first, an extension of the feelings she had for Stefan; she didn't remember the first time she met him until much later, obviously, though she did think he was very attractive the first time she encountered him at the Boarding House; but truthfully, her first fledgling feelings towards Damon Salvatore had started in conjunction with how much Stefan loved him, even though he was so difficult to love. She knew what having a sibling meant, and at that time, Jeremy had been pretty darn hard to love being in his own self-destruct mode (the human version, of course). And then there had been the moment when Damon helped her with her brother, and despite everything, they had just been two older siblings trying to protect the younger ones, and she realized they had more in common than she ever wanted to contemplate.

Damon literally snuck up on her that night, compelled Jeremy's tears away, and made her start to care about him in a way that had nothing to do with Stefan and everything to do with just Damon.

What a long, hard road that had been: the journey of loving Damon Salvatore.

What a long, hard road that _is_.

She takes another lungful of air and lowers her chin, looking him square in the eye. Then Katherine starts talking. "You know, I'm doing this for you, right?" she says, the breathless sneer still there even if it doesn't have the same impact.

Damon blinks, but goes very still, his eyes riveted on her face. He doesn't speak, however, so she just goes on. "Elena's been a mess without you. Now, don't get me wrong, she's a Petrova; she'll go on. She'll find a way; eventually she might even get over you enough to go make a good life for herself, if she could just get rid of all the useless hangers-on that continually come in and out of this place. If you leave again, she'll do it. She'll move on. But she's always going to wonder, Damon. She's always going to have the _what if_ at the back of her head that is _you_. Just like you had me, remember? You tried to do other stuff, for 145 years, you danced around this world, visited all the places that you'd read about in books, drank all the blood you could ever want, fucked all the bodies that gratefully took you in because you're beautiful and charming and _you_.

"But you were always wondering about me, wondering why I turned Stefan, why it hadn't worked out for us, wondered, _can I get her out of the tomb? And if I do, will she finally love me?_ Elena will _always_ wonder why you wouldn't just let her love you. I tried to tell her, explain what it is with people like us, why the Stefans of the world can eat migrant villages and still accept love, but the Damons and Katherines just can't do it. But she didn't understand, she couldn't, could she? She's just like Stefan--always had her momma and daddy doting on her, always had a brother who loved her, always had this group of friends who never left her, even when she became a monster. She doesn't know what it's like when people don't love you, when people withhold love, when people _take away love_. She doesn't know how it feels, just waiting for the other shoe to drop--even when the most pure creature in the world looks at you with eyes full of it, when they vow that they will love you forever, even though they know _exactly_ who you are, you just can't believe it, because _who the fuck does that?_ Nobody, not really. Oh, they might have good intentions, they might even really think they can do it, but when it comes down to it, they're going to fail us, just like everyone else. Right?"

She stops talking, her breath trapped in her throat, and waits. His face is an open book, everything right there, and she thanks Katherine, wherever the hell she is now, for those last few hours of her life, when whatever benevolence had overcome her and she just poured everything out. She'd called it _Petrova Family Secrets_ and then said Elena was entitled to know.

_Because you love Damon, you really love him. Knowing everything you know, you still want to be with him. I would have given anything for Stefan to love me like that. Now he finally does, but it's too late. And if I had another chance--if I took you up on your offer, it would ruin it. And for the first time, ever, in my life, I don't want to ruin it. I want him to look at me like that; I want that to be the last thing I see before I die._

Elena can't help it, she's overcome with emotion, all the things that she's witnessed as Stefan hovered by Katherine's side, as she herself missed Damon so much it was a physical ache that never left her, as she began to understand why Damon could love her with everything inside him and still kill people because there was always the truth, right there for him, that he didn't deserve her anyway, so he might as well ruin it himself before anyone else had a chance to. Tears drip down her face as she stares at him, as she sees that he's just as on as he ever was, and she can't do anything about it because she's tied to a chair. She can't wipe away her tears and she can't take him in her arms and tell him that that's exactly how she will always love him, because she doesn't know any other way to do it.

Moisture glitters in Damon's eyes, too, but he dashes it away with two quick fingers. "I would have loved you like that," he says, his voice so low that even with vampire hearing, Elena has to strain to catch all the syllabels. "I _did_ love you like that," he says, a tad louder.

"I know," she says. "And what did I do?"

He stands up so abuptly that the chair beneath him flies backward and topples over. "Where's the dagger, Katherine?"

She smiles then, through her tears. There's nothing else she can do. She has to let him go all over again, if that's what it takes. "Where would _you_ have put it?" she asks.

 

 

He stands in front of the open safe in his bedroom, unmoving.

Two things: he doesn't know what the hell just happened in that room with Katherine, and why in the world the dagger they need to kill her is in _his_ safe makes no sense.

Especially because the only two people in the world who know the combination to this safe are he and Elena.

He's standing there, not marching right back to stab the shit out of Katherine because he can't stop fucking crying. Tears just keep leaking down his face, and he can't make them stop and he can't figure out how they started, and he just can't believe everything she said.

He can't believe everything he _feels_.

It's more than just switching back on, which, obviously he's all the way back now. It's that Katherine of all people could get him there, that she could somehow look inside him and see exactly what decorates the inside of his eyeballs in a way that even he has never completely understood before.

That she is he, and he is she, and fuck him to the moon and back, because he does not want to be the Katherine Pierce of Elena's life. That wasn't his intention ever, and most especially his plan with letting her go, and with leaving town himself, was simply to give her the best chance at a happy life. 

Or so he told himself. Even when she accused him of running from her, he dismissed it. He wasn't looking for an excuse; this was the cold reality. Who knew what her life would become if he was in it.

(Who knows what it will become if he's _not_ in it?)

Wasn't that just what Katherine asked him to consider? 

Was he really being his ultimate selfish bastard self even when he was trying _not_ to be?

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," he mutters under his breath before he reaches in the safe and picks up the dagger. It's heavy, obviously an ancient relic, of fine craftsmanship, and it sits in the palm of his hand much better than the poker had. He could carve her up like a turkey on Thanksgiving. Get her good. Flay her alive, do her like she'd done him for a century and a half.

Or, he could just stab her once and bring his girlfriend back.

_His girlfriend._

He stares at the dagger's gilded handle. He thinks of Elena, happy, shiny, in love Elena, Elena straddling his lap and running from him just so he'd chase her and wrapping her arms around his neck to bring his face close to hers while she smacked a loud kiss against his lips. Elena, laughing as he tickled her as they rolled across his bed, laying against his chest after they spent the afternoon picnicking in the woods behind the Boarding House, whispering, _I love you, Damon_ just before she fell asleep in his arms. Elena, begging him to let their love find a way to work out the problems between them, slapping his face weakly, looking at him like he would save her, one more time.

 _Elena_ , sitting, tied up and bleeding, tears running down her face as she tells him just what the fuck is wrong with him, all over again.

He lifts the hem of his shirt to his face and wipes the tears away.

Then he turns around and goes back to the room where he left her.

 

 

Elena isn't sure how long Damon is gone, but she takes a bit of nap while she's alone. She seriously needs some blood, or just to sink into unconsciousness for good. She's physically and emotionally drained. One way or another, this needs to be over.

Her eyes pop open and she snaps awake when the ropes around her upper body lose their tension. Damon is standing above her with the dagger in his hand, having just cut her free from her confines. His face is completely unreadable, however, so she braces herself for another stabbing.

"Why are you the most infuriating person I've ever met?" he demands, and there is something new in his tone--an affection that was lacking the entire time he was trying to get 'Katherine' to tell him where the dagger was.

She looks up at him, but isn't sure what to do. Does he know? Did he figure it out? Or has he decided to have one last heart to heart with Katherine before he kills her? 

His hand surrounds her jaw and tips her head back so their eyes meet more fluidly. "You crazy, stupid, ridiculous girl. You just let me..." He seems unwilling to look away from her face, or rather, to look at the open, bleeding wounds that he inflicted all over her body. "Elena. Why, why would you do this?"

"I--"

"If you say because _I love you_ , I will rip your heart out, I swear on all that's holy. Have a better reason than that. Please."

His hand on her skin is so warm, and it makes her feel better. She blinks sleepily and decides if she can't get any blood having Damon touch her will be a lovely substitute. She brings one of her own hands up to wrap around his wrist to hold him in place. "It wasn't my idea," she says. "Well, it _was_ my idea, but Katherine wouldn't go for it. So it was Matt who decided we should just make everyone else think Katherine had done it. So you would come home."

"And you agreed to this? You agreed to let me chop you into little pieces or whatever I might do-- _Let Damon do whatever he needs to. He'll be able to do it, he's shut off!_ " he quotes in a sickly singsong voice. 

"Well, aren't you?" she asks, and he tries to jerk his hand away, but she holds on with everything she's got and he pretends to be unable to move away.

That's when she's certain. She suppresses a smile, but she's sure her eyes are shining brilliantly anyway.

"Fuck you, Elena. Fuck _you_ , and the _Quarterback_ , and _my_ brother and _your_ brother--"

"They really don't know!" Elena interrupts, digging her fingernails into the skin of his wrist. "Matt's the only one who knows the truth. And fuck me?" she snaps. " _Fuck you, Damon_ , fuck you and your stupid face. Fuck you for making me love you just so you could run out on me, and fuck you for coming home just like I knew you would!" She stands up, her legs shaky beneath her, but strong enough to get her right in his face. she shoves his hand away from her cheek. "And you don't get to dictate the terms of this. Yes, I did all of it because I love you. I did it because you wormed your way in and you wouldn't go away and you said stupid romantic shit like, _I wish you didn't have to forget this_ , and _I promise you. I will never leave you again_ , and _You are my life!_ and then you just left me! And whether you like it or not, Damon, _I'm just like you!_ I would do whatever it takes and the only reason Katherine isn't in this body right now is because she said _no_ when I offered it to her."

She gives him a hard shove, and he lets her, stepping back out of her path. "You think you know so much, but you don't know anything! You don't know what it's like to really love someone--to stay when you want to leave, to try when you want to give up. All you know is how to screw it up. All you know is how to run and ruin it and break my heart. So, this is it. This is the last time."

She walks out of the room with as much dignity as her battered body will allow her, and she heads for their bedroom, the one she never vacated even though she spent more time crying into her pillow than sleeping on it. She heads for the mini-fridge she stashed in the corner while he was gone and grabs a blood bag.

She can hear him behind her, every sound of his body becoming more and more perceptible as she sucks down the blood. Her skin starts to stitch itself back together and she ignores his presence as she turns and heads into the walk-in closet for some clean clothes.

His voice is very soft, and very contrite when he says, "Elena..."

She doesn't look at him. She just pulls the shirt she's wearing over her head and drops it to the floor. Next comes her bra and then she unfastens her jeans, but before she can push them down her hips, he moves in behind her. "Don't do this," he whispers. "I know I deserve it, but don't torture me like this."

He has an arm wrapped around her chest, but high and clear of her breasts, his hand cupping her shoulder carefully.

"If all it took was me stripping naked to get you to stay, why didn't I figure that out sooner?" she says, her tone catty and unforgiving. She bends into him and continues to shove her jeans down. Using her feet, she kicks them all the way off, along with her socks and shoes, so that the only thing on her body is a scrap of hot pink lace. And it's literally a scrap, because it's a thong. It's just a happy accident, she couldn't have guessed when she got dressed yesterday morning that Damon would be home by the next time she changed her clothes.

He buries his face in the hair against her shoulder. "There were too many times I wanted to touch you and couldn't, so there's always been this feeling, even when I had you willingly naked with me, that at any moment I might lose my privileges."

Elena turns to face him, gently takes his hands in hers, and places them over her breasts. The heavy ache in them seems to swell to fill his palms in a way that they've never fit together before. "What will it take, Damon? What will it take for you to believe me?"

He looks caught somewhere between miserable and hopeful, and Elena does the only thing that occurs to her. She reaches up and starts unbuttoning his shirt. It's all very detached and methodical; she doesn't touch him, or try to caress him. He lowers his hands from her body so she can tug the shirt off him, but even when she unfastens his jeans, she doesn't let her hand touch his half-erect penis. She slides a foot across the toe of one of his boots. "Off," she says, but again, there's nothing remotely sexy about it. Still, he obeys, and she leans down to pull his pants, underwear, too, all the way off. When he's completely naked, then she snags her fingers into the material riding below her hipbones and lets them fall down her legs.

His eyes helplessly follow their path.

She's going for a metaphor, and she's sure he gets it, but whether or not he'll really embrace it is a whole other thing. She looks up, hooking her eyes into his forcefully.

"There will always be bumps with me, Elena," he says apologetically. She thinks of expectations and disappointments, and wonders if she'll ever convince him of one or the other.

"I'm counting on it," she murmurs. She reaches for his hands, lacing her fingers through his, and then steps closer so there's barely any space between their bodies. "Say it again, but mean it this time," she breathes against his lips.

"I meant it when I said it before," he whispers. "But now you're holding me to it. I promise you. I'll never _ever_ leave you again."

 

 

Damon and Elena get back together.

Stefan forgives Elena and Matt for making him think the worst of Katherine.

Caroline rolls her eyes.

Bonnie and Jeremy make a welcome home dinner.

Katherine, believe it or not, rests in peace.

 

 

(Matt eventually becomes Damon's drinking buddy.)


End file.
